Not quite sure if I am more jealous or afraid of the FOOTBALL FAN!
The die-hard fans seem to be suffering from or enjoying a kind of SHARED PSYCHOTIC DISORDER. By where large amounts of people suffer from the delusion that they do in fact play for a specific football team or claim some sort of ownership.
The Sunday afternoon Twitter feed with the #Eagles, will result in thousands of people tweeting, #WeWon! #WeRnotTackling #WeNeedDefense! The implication of course being that thes thousands of fans actually believe they are on the team. The behavior doesn’t fall under the clinical definition for a PSYCHOTIC because said psychotic behavior needs to occur for periods of at least six months. The Football season runs for about 5 months so this is more of a Temporary Shared Psychotic Disorder. While this behavior appears to be harmless and temporary, I have experienced some extreme and frightening cases. While in line for crazy pills at the pharmacy, a small man with a bald head, was sporting as much Pittsburgh Steelers clothing as one could wear in public. The big Black and Gold Jersey, hung on this man like a tarp on a picnic table. He didn’t have enough back to hold up the number 84! The sight of the lower portion of the 8 and the 4 on the top of this fans ass was very disturbing. It would appear that a claim could be made for Multiple Personality Disorder as well as Psychotic Delusional Behavior. I mys of did not want to jump to judgement so I googled #84 of the Steelers and came up with Antonio Brown, 5′ 10″ slender, muscular and dark skinned wide receiver. The short fat, bald white skinned man bore no resemblance to the real #84 that I could see. The delusional fans stunning ensemble was rounded off by fluorescent yellow sneakers, black and gold knee high socks and bright yellow sun glasses. He was on his cell phone and I remember hearing this ” We’re never going to beat the Eagles if WE played against Cincy. While at the moment I thought he was insane, it turned out he was in fact correct. The Steelers lost to the Eagles that weekend by a final score of 34 to 3. So I’m not 100% sure these Shared Psychotic Football Fans, aren’t on to something. My major concern is that a little bald man with light skin, pictures himself as a Large Muscular Dark Skinned Man! I don’t think a short bald fat white man should be able to purchase just any jersey. If you’re a short bald white guy and you want to buy a jersey, you should be forced to purchase the Miami Dolphins #1 Garo Yepremian.
You’ll look like you’re really him so hen you say WE WON!, people will believe you.
I also believe if you suffer from SHARED PSYCHOTIC FAN DISORDER and do in fact strut about screaming WE WON! WE WON!!!, you should own up the loss, suit up and with you’re head hanging in shame, proclaim, we lost and it’s all my fault. I pretended to be someone I’m not and I couldn’t live up to my own Psychotic Delusion. I guess maybe I’m not on the team. Maybe they won and maybe they lost and maybe I’m just a drunken ass on the couch up there in Quakertown?
Nah, fuck it! WEEEEEEEEEE GOTTA WIN THIS WEEKEND!