Raymond the Amish Comic

Posts Categorized / From my Show

The Audience Yeller! It’s a Fine Art!

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Yelling out at a comedy show is usually a bad idea.
But occasionally someone understands the nuances of picking and choosing your moments. A well timed yell that hits sweetly and fades away to silence, with the yeller never to yell out again for the rest of the night is truly an art form. It cannot be planned. It’s gotta be a spontaneous combustion. More times then not, on such rare occasions when a seasoned yeller hits their mark, a drunken ass will try to tag onto the fun. This has a 100% fail rate. To the untrained yeller, it is easy to mistake the success of yeller number one as an invitation for the audience to yell out random incoherent shit. Do not add your clever quip to the successful yell. It will fail.

I would like to share with you now, a rare success story.
Scene 1: A show so far North into the mountains of Pennsylvania that if you trip in the parking lot, you will land in New York. Not much to do in this town is an understatement. Hunting is the number one trending recreation. Which explains why there was a Gun Raffle at my show.
The setup: I am ranting on stage ” It’s not that I’m all stuck up and fool of myself. I just thought this show would easily be sold out by virtue of there being nothing to do in this town. The only other live entertainment is a guy jerking off at the car wash! ( LAUGHTER )

Scene 2: We are about 40 minutes into my show. The sound system not only sucked batshit balls but the microphone dropped every third word. This is not an embellishment to enhance the story. I know many comedians who would have DROPPED THE MIC and bolted. But I adapted this third word drop into my show.
One tall lanky thirty something mountain man ( and thirty something mountain man is way different then your typical thrifty something )
Well he had enough. So he stood up. By himself and lazily walked out of my show. His attempt to look all bitch ass was thwarted by me as I said ” I get the whole, the sound sucks and your out of here thing but you can’t make a bitch-ass rockstar exit while you are carrying a SOFT BAG COOLER! Real men have giant plastic coolers with wheels, a seat and a steering wheel”
He was undaunted and remained silent. I asked him “where are you going”
It was at this precise moment that our featured yeller chimed in with a “HE’S GOING TO THE CAR WASH!”

The appropriate congratulations, and damn I wish I would of thought of that were delivered by me.
When all of a sudden the a second YELLER Tried to add to the fun of yeller number one with a poorly timed
“Yeah! He just got a new car”
Silence and the sounds of pin dropping.

Am I really Amish?

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The number one question I get when I travel is, Am I really Amish?
Let me continue to explain this the best way I know how.
If you were going to pretend to be something?
You wouldn’t pick Amish.
This look hasn’t kicked any doors open for me.
Despite the Amish Mafia’s national fame and Weird Al’s hit single Amish Paradise, many comedy clubs in states that are not Pennsylvania are concerned that people in Texas or ( fill in the state of your choice ) won’t get me. You don’t have to know a single thing about the Amish to enjoy my show. You will leave my show knowing not very much more about the Amish then when you came in. There are any number of Nationally Touring comedians who rely heavily on a country and accent of origin. You don’t check the British population in Ohio before you book Ricky Gervais. He curses with a British accent. While I am no Ricky Gervais, it’s the same theory at work here. You don’t have to go off to Amish Camp to enjoy my show. Fans of me who live in states that are not Pennsylvania, please tell your local comedy clubs that you would get me. Of course this video clip says it better then this babble.
End of Rant