Raymond the Amish Comic

Monthly Archives / January 2017

If Someone Does Your Laundry, You Are Blessed!

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I am one of those blessed people, who has an amazing wife who does my laundry. Laundry SUCKS! It’s never over and it’s never finished. It is amazing to me, that household laundry doers didn’t go postal before postal workers. Those of us who are lucky enough to have someone do our laundry for us, probably do not award the laundry doer and special awards, special thank you dinners or boxes of chocolate. But we should. I submit to you that if your laundry doer quit, you’d be fucked! Most men, and by most, I mean me, don’t have the slightest idea the labor involved in laundry. We just rip our clothes off, drop them to the floor, throw them on a pile or if we’re really thoughtful, we put them in the laundry hamper. For this, we expect a special award. If you wanna be helpful, carry the fuck’n laundry hamper to the basement. Or, in the case of extreme curiosity, do a fuck’n load of laundry. My wife left me some smiley face cartoon notes, drawn with a sharpie on the actual washer and dryer. As I looked at them, I realized she drew them with the idea that I might not even see them while she is still alive. The cartoon notes were concise and extremely simple. I admit that when I first saw the Laundry Instruction Cartoon Notes, they appeared to mock me. “Well! We certainly are surprised to see you! To what do we owe this historic occasion? Did you shit in your pants and you’re doing your own laundry because you don’t want anyone to know? We won’t tell but your family will be suspicious. Hey, dad is in the basement, doing a load of laundry. Either he shit in his pants, got whore lipstick on his shirt or perhaps he killed someone”
So the moral f the story is, guys, if you wanna turn your wife on, flowers and candy are great. But if you want to get her really worked up, go down in the basement and do a fuck’n load of Laundry!

People from NY hate people from NJ and PA and people from…

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I have been performing in NJ for a few years now and I have been traveling to NY for 30 years for theater, entertainment and to perform. I have noticed that people from NY hate people from NJ and PA. People from NJ hate people from NY and PA. people from PA hate people from NJ and NY.
I have traveled to Point Pleasant, NJ as an ambassador of goodwill. To bridge the hate between the states. I love people from PA, NY and NJ!
I get the arrogance of NY! You have Broadway and Off-Broadway!
I get the attitude of NJ. You’re sick of people from Pennsylvania coming to your beaches as a second choice because their parents couldn’t afford Disney. Hey, if you wanna see a giant mouse, swing through Newark! We got rats the size of men!
I think people from PA hate people from NY and NJ because they are afraid. That’s why we all have guns!